Chemicals on a Burner.

I’ll never forget my 8th grade chemistry experiment. I’d barely started scratching the surface of science and it’s wonders, and here I walk into a foul-smelling room wondering what my grades would evolve into. The class was a tightly-knit group of young, bubbling chemicals of their own. Reactive, volatile and unpredictable.

I was more of an inert gas. I didn’t like talking much. I thought it ruined the purity of the silent imagination you can have as a kid; while you were being exposed to a series of random events that would apparently qualify you to eventually become an adult. Which is maybe why I still remember odd memories of the place. Like once, when I secretly took a swig out of one of the conical flasks during an experiment, felt it lightly burn my insides, and then declared in hushed tones, that it, in fact tasted like apple juice. Naturally, it didn’t take long for the word to reach the top of the hierarchy in that classroom- the class teacher. And it didn’t take her long to throw me out of her class, call my parents after school and complain to them about my grave silliness, which to be honest, felt more silly on her part than mine.

Next time onward, I had learned to be more cautious. So I continued to toy with the apparatus and the solutions, but this time I was more discreet. The only person who probably knew of my ingenious-yet-innocent experiments, was the lab assistant sitting behind the class, with me being first in his line-of-sight in the last row. I once carried my water bottle filled with Mango Tang inside the lab, and sipped it whole from a pipette, thinking that’s the kind of stuff that goes on at CERN.

The other time I emptied concentrated H2SO4 in a neighbor's water bottle and saw it burn through the plastic, emitting a foul smell that miraculously failed to travel across the room to the teacher, and have our grades evaporate into thin air.

One evening, I was reprimanded for not getting the desired result in one of my tests, so I was punished to stay back late and get it right. The lab assistant surprisingly didn’t grumble at the thought of staying back only for me. But I realized I wasn’t alone. A hushed sobbing punctured the thin air of silence, disturbing not just my concentration, but even my mental equilibrium. In the chemistry lab, I followed my biological instincts and went towards the sound. As I got close, I found an angelic face with glassy, red eyes and two braided ponies look at me, only to retreat into her shell a second later. It was the class topper Leila. Smart, innocent and most importantly someone who always stood up for herself. I had always admired that in her. But today she looked more like a little kitten who’d lost her way. Immediately, she covered her face with her two hands trying to conceal her embarrassment of crying publicly, but her whimpering had already given it away. I politely asked her- “What’s wrong?”

Leila: “I failed my test.”

Me: “Aren’t you an A-grader?”

Leila: “I knew the experiment, I just couldn’t do it…”

Me: “I can help you finish it, I’m here for the same thing.”

The whimpering stopped, but the deep sorrow that reflected in her eyes for failing a small test was something that I couldn’t understand. I slowly helped her to her feet, took her to wash her face and the rest of the worries she was carrying with her. We walked back as she thoroughly wiped her face, leaving behind the most tender pair of eyes I’d ever seen. I’d heard of the effervescence of chemicals but never knew I’d feel it inside me, somewhere deep in my chest.

Back in the lab, I went to the common desk to pick up two of everything I needed for the experiment. I walked back to my desk and set up the experiments side by side. I knew what had to be done, but I was to lazy to do it. Now, a crucial turn of events had provided the much needed catalyst for me to do the experiment, not once but twice. I quickly went from one set-up to another, mechanically repeating the steps. The lab assistant was least bothered as long as I submitted my results and left without a ruckus. He even helped me to get it right. In the next 17 and a half minutes, I had completed the experiment, written out both the journals, gotten it signed, submitted and sealed- not just the journal, even my fate. And I realized the one I did the experiments for, wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Some chemicals evaporate with the slightest contact of oxygen in the air…”, my teachers words contextually played in my brain as I went looking for her.

I stepped out, and it was nearing twilight. A wave of chill breeze enveloped me as I walked out of the school’s main building. I put my sweater on and lightly jogged around the campus calling out her name. Every minute, I’m losing light, and the opportunity to find her. Walking in hope of something brings you very far, almost to the end of the road. Now I’d come a long way, and there was no sign of her. I was huffing, more at the thought of the distance I had to travel back, rather than the distance I had already traveled.

“Add a little heat to the chemicals and they will transform together…”

Again, I heard lines from my chemistry lessons play out in my head like a podcast, as I wiped the sweat across my forehead. I looked around and saw nothing but bats flying against the dying embers of the sun. I was spooked for a moment. This had been a futile attempt. I eventually circled back to reach the same place where I had started. Back to square one. Suddenly, a soft voice nearly sent chills down my spine.

Leila: “I lied to you…”

Me: “Gosh… I didn’t see that coming”

Leila: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

Me: “Wh.. Where were you?”

Leila: “Are you done with the experiment?”

Me: “Yes, and submitted yours too.”

She smiled ever so slightly, bringing her hand close to mine, and gently squeezing it in. I looked at her as she blushed, sending my heart into a flush of excitement. I’d never felt anything like this before. The effervescence was taking effect. We walked hand-in-hand towards the school gate, where her driver was supposed to be waiting for her.

Randomly, she halted. And turned towards me.

“Is everything ok?”, I asked her.

“Do you like me?”, she replied.

“W.. What do you mean?”

“Do you like me?”, she said, pressing harder for an answer.

“I think, um, I do…”

I was embarrassed at my failure to answer the question I’d answered over a million times in my head. But in reality, the outcome of theoretical experiments is always far from accurate.

She leaned over and landed a peck on my cheek. I was startled. My heart was racing.

“That was for doing my experiment for me.”

She didn’t move. She kept looking at me, as if analyzing me like an equation in an examination.

Leila: “Can I trust you?”

Me: “Sure, what happened?”

Leila: “This is the last time you’re seeing me…”

Me: “Why? Is everything alright?”

Leila: “Actually it’s my dad… He’s at a deputy’s post in the government. And travels a lot for work. We’re supposed moving cities tomorrow.”

Me: “And you…”

Leila: “… don’t want to move.”

Leila: “I joined this school just nearly a year back. I like the place and I like this city too. At least, it’s less isolating than most cities I’ve been in. This is my fourth school in six years and… every time I move I have to start over again… and I don’t want to. Not anymore.”

The air suddenly felt heavier. My equilibrium had been stirred. I felt the poignancy of this unexpected, new information make me tense. I expected her to show fear, but I saw more of helplessness. And so was I. We were just twelve year olds.

Me: “So why did you want to pass the test so bad?”

Leila: “Because I wouldn’t get admission into another school if I didn’t pass this grade. And father wants us to move immediately. He spoke to the principal today… They were going to write me a letter of passing if I cleared all my exams.”

Me: “And you’re sure you don’t want to leave?”

Leila: “Out of all the things in my life… this is something I’m most sure of…”

In a surge of emotion, just like the exact point of excitement of a chemical due to an external factor, I held her hand and puller her along with me. We hurriedly walked back the dimly lit exterior of the school, entered the building, walked up to the floor where the chemistry lab was. A bulb was still glowing in the darkness of the school corridors. I walked up to the lab, and asked her to wait outside. The lab assistant was surprised to see me. He had stacked and bounded all the answer papers together.

Assistant: “Did you forget something?”

Me: “Uh.. y.. yeah my geometry box.”

In a slight head nod, he gestured me to take it and leave. As I walked into the lab, I silently took the geometry box out of my bag and kept it under the table where I was doing my experiment. I pretended to pick it up. This time, rattling and rumbling it to legitimize my excuse. But I was staging the drama for an audience that wasn’t there. The assistant had already gone inside his matchbox office to pack up. I saw the bundle of answer papers that were still lying there.

I quickly walked over to the table, flipped through the corners of the paper-stack to spot her roll number, pulled the paper out and changed the answers to some questions with simple tweaking of equations, and just as I was sliding it back inside, the lab assistant walked out in his winter jacket holding a lunchbox in one hand and a wooden ruler in another. I knew one of it was for me. He had caught me red-handed after all.

“If you’re going to fail, you’re going to fail. Changing your answers won’t help now.”

He sounded more like a spiritual guru, than an examiner who had just caught me for cheating. Maybe he was. He sort of was a part-time pastor, but he had just seen me commit a sin. So, I did question whether I was going to fail in my attempt. But that wasn’t about the examination.

Me: “Sorry sir… Forgot my roll number…”, I loosely mumbled as I skipped out of the lab.

I was expecting her to be standing outside but she had casually wandered off into the distance. I jogged down the corridor, and skipping god knows how many heart beats, I caught up to her.

“Let’s go.”, I said panting.

“Relax, I’m not going to disappear just like that.”, she said and she chuckled admiring her own own joke. The light-pink blush on her cheeks reminded me of Phenolphthalein, the chemical that turns pink in alkaline solutions. Something about her felt so raw; so pure.

We walked back towards the parking lot, loitering around, briefly exchanging small talk about the school. We slowly approached a bright, incandescent light shining straight at us. The lights dimmed as her driver saw us walking towards the car. Lucky for us, her parents hadn’t come along.

She walked to the back of the car, opened the door and dropped her school bag inside. She turned around to look at me with heavy eyes, with a little glint that said ‘I’ll never see you again’. Although she was a little more formal with her words.

Leila: “Hope to be in touch.”

Me: “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Leila: “Huh… What makes you so sure?”

Me: “You’ll know soon.”

Me: “And I’ll keep the seat next to me free… 2nd row, 4th-last bench.”

Leila chuckled, and said goodbye.

She turned around a little confused, but also a little relieved. Like she didn’t know what strings I’d pulled to keep her from moving, but hopeful I had done enough to make sure that happened.

She got in. The driver started the car, blaring lights right in my face, blinding me; robbing me of my last glimpse of her as she left.

The car sped away as I stood there motionless, like stuck in a daydream I couldn’t pull away from. I looked up at the purple-tinted, night sky and the stars that shone through. For the first time, I felt they were a little more in my reach, and all I needed to do is jump. I don’t know what fate had in store for me when it came to my chemistry exam. But I walked back knowing, somewhere within, that I had somewhat achieved alchemy.